A little holiday green can spread cheer for the rest of the year. Here’s a guide to tipping the right people the right amount.
By Liz Pulliam Weston
If you've made your holiday list and checked it twice, chances are you've still forgotten some folks: the service providers who are expecting holiday tips.
End-of-the-year gratuities can show these folks that you appreciate the work they do for you and thank them for helping your life run more smoothly. This extra cash may help foster loyalty and, in a few instances, prevent future problems (like a building superintendent who might become sulky).
If you want to get to the meat of whom you tip and how much, skip down a bit. The next section is for those of you still balking at the whole idea. I've learned a lot about holiday tipping since first writing a column about it a couple of years ago, including:
Some of you think I invented it. "Wow, what on earth are you doing??" one outraged reader wrote. "Get real and try to relate to the public, not just your own little rich community. I expect at least $20 to $50 please for giving you a much-needed service -- a wake-up call!!"
So I consulted etiquette expert Peter Post, who assured me that holiday tipping has been around a lot longer than I have and isn't an isolated phenomenon. The amounts and even who is tipped can vary from place to place, but holiday tipping is ingrained in American life.
"It's not a regional custom," said Post, author of "Essential Manners for Couples." "It's everywhere."
Many of you don't like it.
Like several others, one reader -- who called himself "Scrooge," no less -- opined against the whole idea of tipping, at holidays or otherwise.
"Classic one is a bartender expects a $1 tip on $6 bottle of beer," Scrooge wrote. "Why should he get a tip ... he didn't do anything special? He opened a fridge and pulled out a bottle of beer and opened it. Boy, he really worked hard for that one."
Yes, indeed, why shouldn't that bartender work for the pleasure of Scrooge's company? There's a head-scratcher.
But the anti-tipping crowd has good company. Judith Martin, author of "Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior, Freshly Updated" agrees that tipping in general is a "silly system" that "grew up haphazardly" so that some workers -- like the bartender, the waiter, the taxi driver -- expect tips while others performing similar functions -- psychoanalyst, airline attendant, bus driver -- get their compensation from their paychecks. She finds it puts too much power in the hands of not-always-fair clients.
That doesn't let you off the hook, though. The system's the system, Martin says; we tip because it's expected: "It would be Scrooge-like, not to mention wrong," she writes, "to deny these workers their expected income merely because one doesn't like the method by which this is provided."
Some of you want in on it.
I fielded a fleet of e-mails from readers who want some holiday generosity spread their way. Many mail carriers take offense at U.S. postal regulations that discourage tips, and one newspaper carrier thought the amount recommended by etiquette experts -- $10 to $30 -- was "an insult … (unless) the customer also tips during the course of the year."
Given that holiday tips are customarily given only to people who provide regular, repeated service, the most puzzling letter came from an appliance-repair person who wanted a customer-supplied bonus. Sir, if you're showing up regularly enough to be tipped, doesn't that say something rather negative about the quality of the service you provide?
But by far the biggest roadblock to holiday tipping is that:
Many of you think you can't afford it.
Post empathizes, and hastens to add that holiday tipping, and gift-giving in general, "isn't about going into debt." If your budget won't stretch, it won't stretch.
But that doesn't release you from your obligation. Post recommends that in situations where a holiday tip would be expected, the financially challenged compose a handwritten thank you note and include with it some kind of seasonal gesture, like a plate of holiday cookies. Superb service might prompt a praise-filled letter to the worker's supervisor.
Personally, I think there may be more room in people's budgets than they think. The average American consumer is expected to spend $90 on gifts for him- or herself this season, according to the National Retail Federation. A little self-restraint could help you express your appreciation for at least some of the people who help you during the year.
Who shouldn't expect a tip
Now that the debate portion of this column is finished, we can run through the shortlist of people you don't tip.
You'll be relieved to know that there are people who aren't expecting cash from you. That doesn't mean you can ignore them, though; it just means your gift shouldn't be green. These people include:
- Teachers: Professionals in general shouldn't be tipped, and teachers typically include themselves in this category. Ask what classroom supplies they need, and supply them. Gifts of food or a well-deserved day at the spa (perhaps purchased jointly with other parents) can be thoughtful, as well.
- Friends: Whatever the service they provided for you, a gift is a more appropriate thank-you than a check.
- U.S. Postal Service employees: The Postal Service discourages tips, but your mail carrier is allowed to accept gifts worth less than $20.
- Anyone who would be insulted: You'll have to feel your way on this one a bit, since some of the people you traditionally didn't tip -- a beauty salon owner, for example -- now often have no problem accepting your money.
If you offer the cash and it's returned to you promptly, you'll know you've found one of these elusive folks.
The ground rules for tipping
How much you give, Emily Post and other etiquette authorities tell us, can depend on a number of factors, such as:
- The quality of the service
- The frequency of the service
- How long you've used the service
- Regional custom, and of course
- Your budget
Use your own judgment, but be guided by the spirit of generosity. The better you take care of the people who care for you, the better off everybody will be.
Now that we've got that settled, let's move on to who, and how much.
The "who's" break down into four basic categories:
People who provide you service regularly but briefly
These folks typically get $10 to $30. The list here can include: - Newspaper deliverers
- Parking or garage attendants
- Trash collectors
- Any regular delivery person (for food, laundry, overnight packages, whatever)
Several readers asked how they should handle holiday tipping when they get regular service from a company, but people actually providing the service change constantly. Post handles this by simply tipping whoever happens to show up on the day he's handing out the cash, and hoping that others do the same so that the holiday generosity gets spread around.
People you see less often but for longer periods
These are usually the ones who are working hard to tend you and yours. The holiday tip normally equals the cost of one visit, although you can reduce that to $20 or so if your patronage is sporadic.
- Hairdresser or barber
- Manicurist
- Facialist
- Personal trainer
- Massage therapist
- Regular after-hours baby-sitter (not your nanny or day care worker)
- House cleaner (unless he or she is full time, then see below)
- The lawn-care crew
- Pool cleaner
- Pet groomer
If you use a day-care center, ask the director about appropriate tips for the child's primary caregiver. The accepted amounts can range from $10 to $70, plus a small gift from the child.
Your employees
Anyone you employ more than a couple of days a week gets a bigger check, typically at least equal to one week's pay. Exceptional or long service might boost the amount to two weeks' pay or more. A small gift is often appropriate as well. This list includes:
- Nannies
- Full-time housekeepers
- Home-care attendants
- Caretakers
If you're not planning to tip your full-time employees, you need to ask yourself why. If you're genuinely not happy with their services, you should have long ago detailed your concerns and given them a chance to improve. Otherwise, withholding a holiday tip is sandbagging. You wouldn't like it if your boss surprised you with a negative evaluation out of the blue, so don't do it to others.
People who can be strategically tipped
All tips can have an element of strategy in them, but these gratuities can make a real difference in the quality of your life. Here the range varies enormously:
- Building superintendent: Ask around your building. The going rate can vary from as little as $20 to $200 or more.
- Doorman: Ditto. Usually the range is $10 to $100.
- The bartender, wait staff or maitre d' at a place you frequent regularly: Try $20 to $50 and see if your typical table location doesn't improve.
Talk back: Are you tipping this holiday? How much?
